


It's the Great Pumpkin, Colonel Ironhorse

by clgfanfic



Category: War of the Worlds (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-21
Updated: 2013-02-21
Packaged: 2017-12-03 03:49:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/693775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clgfanfic/pseuds/clgfanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pure Halloween silliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's the Great Pumpkin, Colonel Ironhorse

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine Green Floating Weirdness #13 under the pen name Jerkey Treat.

_"He likes me!"_

 

          Lieutenant Colonel Paul Ironhorse sat up in bed.  Holding his breath, he listened for the sound that had driven him out of sleep.

          Nothing.

          He lay back down.

          A distant, odd sound forced him to sit up again.

_What the hell is that?_

          Moving silently out of bed, Paul made his way to the door and opened it.  Glancing up and down the empty hallway, he found nothing out of the ordinary.  Stepping into the hall, he moved silently through the first floor.

          Nothing.

          He paused, listening.  The perplexing noise steadfastly refused to be heard.

          He climbed the stairs, no sound giving his progress away.  At the top he paused, checking the hallway.

 _Odd_ , he thought.  _Why are all their bedroom doors open?_

          He moved to the first room.  Blackwood's.  The bed was empty, but that wasn't unusual, given the man's undeniably weird sleeping patterns…

          Suzanne's room was empty as well, but her bed was rumpled and obviously used.

          Debi's room was in a similar state of disorder.

          And Norton's…  He was absent from sleep as well.

          "Where the hell are they?" he whispered, striding back into the hallway.

_The lab!_

          He headed down the stairs, then down the second flight to the basement labs.  The buzz of the computers filled the otherwise empty room.  He checked the annex.

          Nothing.

          With a growing concern, Paul headed up to the living room.  Still nothing, but the French doors both stood open, allowing in a cold breeze and a thin grey-white fog.  "Okay, people," he muttered under his breath, "what's Blackwood put you up to now?"

          Stepping out onto the patio, he scanned the darkness, half expecting a surprise party to be sprung on him.  Not that it was his birthday, but it was the kind of stupid thing Blackwood would do in the middle of the night.

          Nothing.

          The gathering fog made it difficult to see much beyond the patio, but Ironhorse was sure that he could see something moving out in the trees.

_If Blackwood's out kite flying again..._

          Without hesitation, the colonel set out to find out what was going on.

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

          A wisp of white slipped behind a tree and the colonel followed.

          Nothing.

 _Nothing?  I know I saw_ something _.  Damn_ , he thought.  Was he going nuts?  Had Blackwood finally worn him down?  He always knew the astrophysicist would drive him into a padded room, but this was a little sooner than he'd calculated…

          Another filmy wraith flitted through the trees, and Ironhorse charged after it, determined to apprehend the thing and wring the truth out of it.

          Rounding the tree trunk he saw the apparition farther ahead.  He pushed on harder, trying to catch up.  Finally, he came to a stop, trying to catch his breath.  In the distance he could hear what sounded like laughter.

 _Where are the Omegans?_ he wondered.  _Why aren't they out here?_

          The voices seemed to be getting closer and Ironhorse dropped down behind a shaggy bush.  His eyebrows met above the bridge of his nose.  The voices sounded familiar…

          "Over here!" one called.

          "No, I saw something this way!"

          "You're both wrong, it's _this_ way!"

          "Mom, come on!  It's over _here!_ "

          Paul stood.  What in the world were they doing?  Why were they out in the middle of the grounds at – he checked his watch – two minutes before midnight?

          "Blackwood…" Ironhorse growled softly through gritted teeth.

          Following the apparently disembodied, drifting voices, the colonel finally stumbled out into a clearing.

 _No_ , he realized.  It wasn't a clearing, it was a patch.

_A pumpkin patch?  Where the hell did this come from?_

          "Colonel, did you see him?" Debi asked, running over to meet the soldier.  She was dressed in orange and black flannel pajamas that were covered with witches, black cats, bats, and grinning pumpkins.

          He shook his head.  "Who?"

          " _Him_ ," Debi reiterated, gazing around the patch.

          "Paul, can keep an eye on Debi," Suzanne asked.  "I can't keep up with her."

          Ironhorse caught himself staring and stopped, but not before he conducted a full scope of the microbiologist.  The thin white nightgown was more revealing than he'd anticipated.

          "What?" he asked, distracted.

          "Hey, big guy," Norton interrupted, rolling up to join Paul as Suzanne chased after her daughter.  "Didn't think we'd find _you_ out here.  But you made it with a minute to spare."

          The colonel looked down at the hacker.  "When—?"

          "Well, Paul, you have surprised me yet again!" Harrison said, stepping out of the foggy darkness.  "He should be here soon."

          "Who?"

          "Him."

          "Where?" Ironhorse asked.

          "Here!" said Blackwood.

          "Why?" Ironhorse whined.

          Before Harrison could answer a commotion on the far side of the pumpkin patch drew their attention.  Ironhorse reached for his M-9, but discovered that he'd left it back in his room.

          Before he could panic, the Omegans burst through the brush and fog and into the pumpkin patch.  Several of the gourds were trampled under their combat boots, prompting a mournful wail from the soldiers' prisoner.

          In the center of the group, Stavrakos and Matthews held green spindly arms that connected to a very large pumpkin supported by equally spindly legs.  Large triangular eyes blinked forlornly, and the thing's mouth turned down in a frown.

          "What the _hell_ is that!?" the colonel demanded, looking at Blackwood.

          "There he is!" Debi squealed in delight.

          Suzanne and her daughter ran up to stand beside the soldier.  Norton joined them, Harrison hiding behind Gertrude.

          "Would somebody _please_ tell me what the hell that thing is!" the officer demanded a second time.

          "Colonel, don't you know?" Debi asked, looking up at Ironhorse like he was a complete dolt.

          "No!  I don't!" he responded defensively.

          "Cranky, Paul?" Suzanne asked with a seductive smile.

          "That thing, as you called him, is the Great Pumpkin, Colonel," Harrison explained, moving forward to get a better look.

          The large orange orb glowered at the astrophysicist, then spat a seed at him. Harrison jumped back and looked at Paul.  "He's got your personality, Colonel.  _You_ talk to him."

          "Me?"

          "Better watch out, Colonel," Stavrakos said.  "He's a real tricky bastard, too."

          "Can I go say hello, Mom?"

          Suzanne looked worried.  "I don't know, Deb—"  Before she could finish, Debi bolted forward into the patch.

          "Debi!" Ironhorse bellowed.

          The girl skidded to a stop in front of the huge vegetable.  The Great Pumpkin glared at her for a moment, then his expression shifted and he smiled.

          Debi looked back over her shoulder.  "He likes me!"

          In the distance the alarms erupted.  "Now what?" Paul demanded.  "Attack of the corn stalks?!"

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

          Ironhorse sat up in bed.  He blinked several times and glanced around his room.  Dawn light filtered past the curtains.

_Dawn…  A dream?_

          It must be a response to something he could blame Blackwood for.  Given a little time, he'd find a way…

          He stood and dressed, then headed to the kitchen for a _large_ cup of coffee.  He found Mrs. Pennyworth standing at the stove, cooking breakfast.  Pouring his cup, he then took a sip and stepped up to join the housekeeper.

          "Mrs. Pennyworth, I think you used just a little too much spice in that pumpkin pie last night," he told her, a chagrined expression on his face.

          The older housekeeper smiled up at the colonel.  "Why, Colonel, that's just because I have a spicy pumpkin patch."

          Paul's eyes widened.


End file.
